Geometry was the name of the game and Euclid rolled in his grave like a pot on a kick wheel after seeing these dullards struggle with basic shapes. Santino Rice, Project Runway 2 finalist, helped the remaining catwalkers create outfits out of random shapes cut from exact geometric instructions. Armed with protractors and strings, the models tried to cut out rhombi, pentagons, rectangles, circles and triangles, and while two teams sailed through others flat out sucked. Andre couldn’t get the concept of how to measure a circle (outstretched string) and Rachel Meyers couldn’t figure out anything at all. Pickel and Brett hacked their shapes fastest and were granted a 30 minute consult with challenge creator Santino.
Santino, how I’ve missed you! I think he had his teeth fixed because he’s lost that homeless/diabolic unattractiveness he rocked on the Runway a few years ago. Santino remarked how beautiful these models are, and then he quickly marveled at their idiocity. Seeing Santino made me miss Project Runway, and then I remembered it’s coming back in a few short days. Pinch me now, Heidi Klum!
The models had to show their wares in a fashion show with one wearing the creation and the other narrating with color commentary during the walk off. Aussie Rachel and VJ went first and were annihilated by the judges for her tacky bandeau top and checkerboard skirt with circular saddlebag cutouts. Rachel Meyers rocked her melon colored separates and embarrassed herself by laughing like a hyena and mispronouncing simple shapes. Guest judge Marilyn Heston called the outfit too simple and bashed it for the retina burning color. Angela rocked a purple and white number while Andre claimed in his commentary the dress could be worn anytime, anywhere. Ben Stein took issue with this while Mary Alice compared it to an ice skating dress. The only standouts were Edge challenge winners Pickel and Brett who fashioned a boxing robe and man-skirt into a fashion forward ensemble that had the judges atwitter and the contestants jealous. They won the contest easily and were applauded for not only doing well but also having the foresight to cripple former frontrunners VJ and Rachel with a difficult shape.
The shock of the show came from blonde Rachel’s early dismissal on the runway that blindsided her and shocked her competitors. Mary Alice lambasted her for narrowly escaping elimination last week and bringing down the smartest player in the game this week, and for all her blonde moments and missteps she was shown the dressing room door. She was sad and whimpered and her showmance VJ seemed a little disappointed but ready to refocus with his pushups and promises to win the kitty. Maybe he won’t be distracted by playing feed the kitty with a girl whose worth in the house hardly extended outside the bedroom.
