I started watching this week’s episode with a lump in my throat fearing we would lose our superhero James. After the two dizzy idiots on Zhan Hu threw last week’s challenge I feared our gravedigger was readying to meet the reaper. He did not, all is right in the world. God I love this show.
The reward challenge was a maze through abandoned Chinese buildings (which Jeff Probst always qualifies by calling everything “Chinese” – really Jeff? On Survivor: China?), and PG took a moment to reassure Sherea that she and Frosti were safe, but all she got in return was stone silence. Oooooh…is that the Chinese version of “talk to the hand”? The Chinese hand? We’ll have Probsty weigh in later. This gave PG the pee shivers so she and Jaime devised an equally devious plan to TRY in this week’s challenges. Ha! That’ll show ‘em! Fei Long won easily (even with the tards playing at full strength) and they were rewarded with a trip to the Charmin Tea House. How Chinese! Jeff, your thoughts? As if Mark Burnett isn’t loaded enough we have to sit through this unashamed marketing bombardment. Go back to your island and stroke Roma Downey’s wings you heartless shill (this rant brought to you by General Foods, makers of Saltine crackers and other fine household treats). The reward not only gave us a chance to watch the castaways soak like capuchin monkeys, we also got to see James’s glistening backside as he loofahed his sweet chocolate skin in the steamy outdoor shower. I know I sound a bit obsessive about James, but DAMN!!!
Have you noticed what bad physical shape these girls are in? If I have to see Courtney slouch around in her bikini with her emaciated little balsa wood limbs another moment I may become bulimic myself. I realize this girl is New York waitress heroin skinny (which is an actual fashion term, it in no way implies that our waif is gunning junk) but her skeletal remains are gruesome, even by modern day reality standards. PG is another girl who’s hard on the eyes. Have you seen her knees? She is being eaten alive by parasites! It’s as though her Chinese ancestors have all reincarnated as flesh eating bloodsuckers and have latched on to get a taste of their dear girl. Blecccch! I’d rather eat baby turtles.
Speaking of which, how bout that immunity challenge! Between Jaime and PG’s fragile nature and James’ orders to throw the game (thanks to puppet master Todd who gave him the immunity idol and told him to use it at tribal once they lose) I figured these sacks were a shoo in to lose. Oh was I wrongaroni. Denise the lunchlady couldn’t choke down a fully feathered baby chicken, and despite her tribal grunts and gung-ho sticktoitiveness she literally choked on the bird and lost the game leaving James to finish his feathered foe to the delight of his screeching teammates who woke up and finally decided to start playing.
Fei Long went to tribal and Sherea’s ousting was a foregone conclusion until malnourished Olson twin Courtney decided to chime in and use her useless block of 2 votes (hers and Sherea’s) to try and fold poker player Jean Robert. Jean Robert is a useless dud, there is no doubt about that glaring fact, but just because Frosti has been brainwashed by male flight attendant Todd doesn’t mean he’s bringing bossy, lazy Sherea with him on board. Sherea and Courtney were rude, brazen and out of line at tribal and it was a beautiful thing to have their words smack them on the ass as they helplessly watched Sherea read her name on that paper over and over and over again. Good luck Sherea! Now go home and get a new bra, dear.
