There is nothing like a good shtuppfest to liven up a network reality show and judging from this week’s Survivor previews the island was about to get hot in the knickers. Erik and Jaime splashed and cavorted in the parasite filled waters as Jaime scooped and spit water from mouth in some sort of mating ritual water sport foreplay. Our boy Erik could have tapped that teapot if he had it in him, but our crouching tiger turned out to be pussy-phobic. He’s a virgin! Somehow Jaime was intrigued by this revelation and didn’t swim away in frustration. Hopefully their flirtation and profession is a prelude to more exciting things to come, literally.
The other odd couple/love-jones came from James who confessed his growing admiration and infatuation with lunch lady and certified FUPA packer Denise. James is a strapping guy, agile in challenges and a great fighter, and he might be the sexiest castaway in history. How on earth does he pitch a pup tent for Denise? Can anyone really be that aroused by a Cape Cod accent, grandma panties and a good work ethic? More than Erik and Jaime I hope this unlikely pair hooks up and plays hide the submarine in China. That gentle act alone would solidify Survivor as my favorite reality show of all time.
This week also showed us the most frustrating tribe shake up in memory. Each tribe was asked to bring over two of the opposing tribe’s strongest players. Fei Long knew they were losing Aaron and James and they picked obvious frontrunner Frosti and equally obvious backrunner (and cantaloupe smuggler) Sherea as their #2. Zhan Hu didn’t quite get the gist of the merge and thought the heavens were opening to deposit two extra players on their side. Dummies. All was right in the world as the new tribes communed over baskets of wine and nuts when PG and Jaime got the bright idea to throw the immunity challenge so they could vote off James and Aaron, preserving their old alliance. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE THROW CHALLENGES!! Remember when the Latino tribe threw the challenge on Cook Islands so they could vote off Billy, or when Burton’s tribe threw their challenge on Pearl Islands because they were too strong (and handsome man himself got the boot)? PG and her idiot blonde weasel face partner in moronica threw the puzzle building part of the challenge much to the disgust of Jeff Probst and a puzzled and frustrated viewing public.
James practically begged to be thrown off (maybe so he could pleasure himself under a warm shower to Denise’s thighs) but Aaron’s torch was extinguished instead. From the moment Aaron got to Zhan Hu he lobbied for his new partners to 86 strong James who has promise to dominate all individual challenges. Bring it big man, you have stirred our lust, now make good on that promise so we can fall in love.
