McLovin’: Usually the Real World is full of drunks and sluts and douchebags, and this year’s cast, while appearing to have heart, seems no exception. Or you might say, they heart each other. Consider: Trisha has a boyfriend back home but still kissed this guy Alex, and Parisa who is not as conventionally attractive also likes Alex -- and they made out, too. Trisha’s fellow blond, Shauvon, believes in the unspoken code that once a friend shares mouth fluid with a boy he becomes her exclusive chattel and all girlfriends are forbidden from contacting his tongue henceforth. But Parisa crossed a line and violated the rules of sane Real Worlding by hooking up with a marked man. It is clear Alex is playing both sides of this nickel and wants nothing more than attention from two women who are living their lives on camera, and it’s also clear he likes Trisha more and is settling for Parisa because as far as kissers go she is easy.
Analysis: There are a couple of things in play here: 1) Parisa needs to stop falling for unavailable guys who are settling for her and who really want to hook up with her castmates (Dunbar and Kellyanne anyone?), and she needs to develop a keener eye and some self respect by finding someone eager to reciprocate her worthy affections. She also needs to bring a trashcan, plastic bag or other sturdy receptacle into the confessional so when she drinks and vomits she doesn’t soil community property. 2) Trisha needs to decide if she really wants to be with her boyfriend Jared, and if she does she needs to stop hooking up with other guys. If you are going to bother being in a relationship honor that commitment until you can have an honest conversation and allow your partner some dignity before you whore it up on cable’s biggest reality show. By the same token if you are in a relationship and you do have a chance and casual hook-up you cannot hold someone to the Code. Your smooching partner is off limits to no one, your boyfriend is and you should be too. 3) Shauvon is a hypocrite and gets very angry and borderline violent with men when she drinks. Parisa making Cohutta a grilled cheese sandwich was in no way an act of betrayal in the battle of the sexes, it was simply tasty drunkity-drunk food to soak up the booze before bedtime. Shauvon’s order of eggs and tomatoes was appropriate for a greasy spoon, not a thoughtful roommate trying to be polite by throwing together two slices of bread and some cheese. These ladies need to relax. I smell a booze filled orgy coming in the second half of this week’s cliffhanger. I’ll watch it with caution and a cocktail.
Real World Lessons:
1. Once a friend shares mouth fluid with a boy he becomes her exclusive chattel and all girlfriends are forbidden from contacting his tongue henceforth.
2. Think before you whore it up on cable TV.
3. Alcohol can make some women angry and borderline violent.
4. The Real World is either the sexiest show on TV or the show with the most sex. Or both.
