Stomach turning torture: Once again Gordon Ramsay stumbled into a commuter hamlet just outside New York City, but instead of combating a condemnable kitchen and rotting food her found a pristine food museum, the Olde Stone Mill. Dean is the restaurant’s headstrong owner whose pride and ignorance has helped the once good food slide down the toilet. Gordon had a field day sampling the menu before he made his suggestions, and by “field day” I mean prolonged, stomach turning torture that couldn’t have ended fast enough.
Stupid food tricks: Since the food is so bad they have resorted to tricks and gimmicks like serving calamari in margarita glasses, lobster stuffed tilapia in a paper bag and chopped salad in a funnel shape, and they committed the ultimate crime by serving canned crab in the crabcakes – and lied about it! Gordon always orders the crab cakes, and chances are if he’s in your restaurant to help you he probably won’t like them.
Gordon deodorizes: GR finally sits down with Dean and his lovely and naïve wife Barbara to hear how the restaurant is really doing and the state of the union is dire. The restaurant is a half a million dollars in debt and he’s carrying two mortgages and a HELOC. Basically…he’s screwed! As dim as Dean’s outlook is, he still manages to wedge his head further up his ass throughout Gordon’s visit and repeatedly insults the one person who could help him out of his hole. Dean is also anchored down by an apathetic chef and ineffectual GM who sweats in stinky buckets when he’s nervous. Gordon’s changes make him extremely nervous and he smells so bad that Gordon banishes him to the bathroom so he can swab his stank pits before subjecting customers to anymore rank odor.
How dare Gordon: Gordon tools around town on his Harley to check out the competition and finds sweet Tuckahoe is missing what busy carnivores crave most, a good steak house. When Gordon takes a slab of beef back from the local meat shop Dean is incensed that Gordon has the nerve to suggest such a simple change. I guess he was expecting a pan-Asian cornucopia or complicated French cuisine because the thought of throwing out the menu in favor of steaks is too much for this proud hothead to bear. The nerve! How dare Gordon try and reformat this place and turn in to a need-filling moneymaker. The place falls apart the night of the relaunch and Dean blows a gasket at chef Mike who is collapsing under a broken printer. The tirade echoes in the dining room and Hizzoner, the mayor of Yonkers, nearly chokes on a piece of gristle at the ruckus.
Update: In the end the place looks busy and Gordon gave them not one but three signs and finally the food coming out of the kitchen looks as appetizing as the restaurant that houses it. I called the Olde Stone Mill and they told me the restaurant is doing really well and they have kept some but not all of Gordon’s changes. Hopefully they didn’t go back to the calamari margaritas!
