Carrie Ann Inaba had her spanks in a bundle over phantom lifts that were apparent only to her. She constantly deducted points from the stars and throughout the night her numbers were one less than Bruno and Len’s.
We were treated to the lines and grace of the Viennese Waltz to classic waltz songs like “Piano Man” and “Mr. Bojangles”. Who are we kidding, I suffer through this show every once in a while because it’s popular and I assume some of you masochists like to read about it, and thanks to Tivo I can shuttle through an hour and a half in under 10 minutes. If this show was only an hour I might be game to stop and linger on a dance or two, but 90 minutes is SO gratuitous and such an utter waste of time and I’m amazed people sit through it in droves. Ballroom dance can be fun when it’s fast (think jive, cha-cha and swing), but these waltzes are so old fashioned they remind me of stale shortbread you’re forced to eat at your great aunt’s house. I know Jane Seymour hurt her back when she was young and her budding dreams were dashed and God knows she has been through her most painful days with the passing of her mom last week, but watching her lilt around the stage with her partner Franken-Tony dashes my dreams of watching an entertaining TV show.
There were some bright lights on this lifted show, mostly from Cheetah Girl Sabrina who had the first perfect 30 of the season. With great dancing ability comes great future disappointment and I think Sabrina is this season’s Melinda Doolittle. She is obviously the best one in the competition; she is so much fun to watch, but the one entertaining factor on this show is the improvement. Where is she going to go? Won’t it get boring seeing 30 after 30 for weeks to come? I want to see people like Cameron Matheson (naked) struggle with 8s and 9s and finally work his hiney off to EARN a perfect score. I liked Cam’s dancing last night but his Superman nonsense is getting a little old. Lose the cape, soap boy.
In a perfect world I would not be subjected to another week of Marie Osmond’s gums, but I think people really like her. If the Osmonds and the Romneys continue voting for her she will have a guaranteed spot in the top 3. She’s not great but she’s well liked. I think Floyd has not ingratiated himself to the blue-haired DWTS voters so look for his ass on the block along with Mel B. She’s OK but she comes with some weird baby baggage that makes her hard to latch on to. We like our Spice Girls well dressed, serious and married.
